Note: This was one of our April Fool’s products for 2011. Sadly, it’s not real.
Here at SparkFun, we’re constantly receiving requests for new products; bits and pieces that you need to bring your project to life. We set out to satisfy this demand for awesome new widgets but quickly realized that it would be impossible to build a different board to suit each and every need. However, after several arduous minutes of careful research and development, our engineers came up with an ingenious solution: Why not just build one board that suits each and every need? With that, we give you the All-DoF.
The All-DoF is the only evaluation, data logging, navigation, power conversion, wireless, graphics processing and segmented flow analysis board that you’ll ever need. The All-DoF is based on a hybrid septuple-core processing matrix allowing it to dwarf all of our other boards in processing power (except for itself, of course, which it is only slightly more powerful than). The All-DoF supports this massively compact matrix by drawing energy from surrounding RF radiation generated in the Earth’s core, the power grid and radio communications. In this manner it is able to produce just slightly more energy than it consumes. In fact, by plugging it into your home’s electrical wiring, you could potentially sell energy back to the utility company and solve several energy crises.
What truly sets this unit apart from others is the fact that so much utility is compressed into such a portable, nearly micro-miniature, design. Also, weighing in at a mere 5 pounds (mostly due to the heavy isotopes in the reactor core), it’s the perfect weight and size for portable devices, hobby flyers and pet tracking. However, when activated, the anti-gravity unit will efficiently reduce the weight down to 3.76 picograms, depending on elevation and humidity.
Setting up the All-DoF couldn’t be easier. Simply connect the power adapter to the unit and power it on, be certain that no one besides yourself is touching the unit on power-up. Next, connect a mini-USB cable to the transverse compressional drum, then connect a second mini-USB cable to the secondary dual function separation engine. At this point, obviously, you’ll need to cycle the power in order to avoid kellographic zero-point anomalies. After the unit powers up again, connect a third mini-USB connector (preferably of a different color than the other two, but within the same color family) to the primary DFSE. Next, you simply connect the DB9 serial cable to the (platform board) (it’s best to do this quickly in order to avoid excessive exposure to partially ionizing low-integral radiation.) Finally, connect the remaining mini-USB cable after a period of no less than the sum of the lag between connection of each previous cable (if necessary, refer to the log-sheet where you’ve been recording the date and time of each connection). This is just a brief overview of the process of course, a complete step-by-step walkthrough can be found starting on page 5006 in the condensed pocket reference (additional shipping charges may apply).
Note: This unit exhibits non-standard physical trajectories in free-fall due to the disruption of surrounding gravitational fields, do not use in the presence of superconducting magnets.
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